Okay so I guess you are wondering were exactly I am going with this, bear with me dolls and gents – the main gist is coming.
So what do you do when you finally meet someone new and there is a connection (apotential mutual connection)? Your inner voice screams with excitement andforewarns you to deal with this connection differently – go with the flow, beplayful, not to take anything to serious, no expectations but to run at thefirst sight of any red flags. That heartbreak taught you a good lessonright? Prevention of repetition is at an all-time high!
At the end of the day we are only human and unfortunately when feelings or some formof emotion starts to creep in it becomes more difficult to stop ourselves fromforming expectations (tricky situations).
Before you know it disappointment forms as expectations are not being met and so we get into our heads again (8 of swords style), the assumptions creep in and we start to analyse everything. It would make more sense to communicate – ask questions or maybe make expectations clear but instead we place ourselves in an eight swords mind –set. Now the issue with this mind-set is that there is a pathway free of fear and negative thoughts but sadly we do not see this as the negativity creates fog – these are the onset of insecurities!
Yes we thought or at least assumed that we were fully healed but we were probably only 60% to 70% there.
What we fail to realise is that when we go through heartbreak – our ego bruises -that mark remains and is eventually armoured with a layer of protection. So asmuch as one could equate insecurities as a form of protection it only trulyleads to toxic thoughts.
What if we were to lower that guard and walk free of fear; maybe just maybe we would see that it is not that person that is the problem or issue. In reality the issue may actually be you (yes I said it)! Those doormat negative thoughts that developed when expectations were not met by that past person awake.
- Inner Thoughts: ‘why haven’t they responded to my messages….are they going to ghost me…why do I feel like I am dating my ex AGAIN…the level of attention and validation has decreased…are they attempting to ghost me.’
- Anypain pertaining to deception, rejection and/or abandonment arises (yes, I acknowledge that there are many otherfactors which may ignite these feelings but that is not our main concern here).
So before we allow these toxic thoughts to creep up on us, we have to ask ourselves are we truly 100% healed? Do we want to carry these insecurities into a new potential connection? 🤷🏾♀️
So what’s next? How do we heal entirely or at least find ways to heal any insecurities(that we may not have realised that we had) to avoid these scenarios from constantlyreappearing in our lives. We must accept that the responsibility of yourpartner does not extend to fixing your pain or doubts, constantly reassuring, validatingor even having to fork out for the issues that you did not take the time toheal from.
I guess true healing starts from within and as we are all unique in different ways – what may work for you (meditation; spiritual practices; travel; exercise; journaling; engaging hermit mode; writing a diary; developing your creative side; surrounding yourself with your soul tribe or community) will not be the same for another. We must remember that healing takes time and during this process we must learn the art of forgiveness including self – forgiveness. This includes reminding yourself that you deserve love! Face those fears in a mirror, accept what you do not have and work on developing on what you do have – because you are good enough!
As we gradually teach ourselves that not everyone thinks like you, the better we getat not holding so tightly on to expectation, fear and control. This keeps usopen and creates space for hope with regards to taking action- a leap of faith.
Now please do not get this confused – expectation of oneself should never bediminished and boundaries should always be made clear but communicated withcompassion. Being able to say the word ‘no’is freedom especially in circumstances that do not bring peace. Be able to setboundaries which are in alignment with you and be able to let go of co-dependency. Let go of that fear of losing someone – Imean if they walk out of your life merely because your boundaries do not sit wellwith them then Bitch Bye! If they have any necessity in your life then theywill return. Remember no one can make you happy but yourself.
The thing about facing your fears is that you will never know the outcome and so the only real way to conquer those fears is to fly right through them.